


I know you're strong enough to do this

by quantumoddity



Category: Nightrunner Series - Lynn Flewelling
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, Pregnancy, and we all move on with our lives, look sometimes we just write things that are completely self indulgent, with little to no explanation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28512396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Seregil considers the future he and Alec are facing, realising he's far more capable than he realises.-----I really did write this pretty much entirely for myself, to cheer myself up on a crappy day. But maybe someone out there might enjoy it to! I have a magical explanation for this but I also fully support a trans Alec headcanon or whatever explanation you'd like to form in your own head for how this came to be!
Relationships: Alec í Amasa/Seregil í Korit
Kudos: 11





	I know you're strong enough to do this

The dream was bitter but the waking was sweet. 

Seregil jolted into consciousness, heart in his throat and nerves frayed with adrenaline, limbs aching from a desperate flight they hadn’t actually taken. It was always the same dream lately, sprinting towards Alec, seeing the arrows flying towards him, winking in the low light, knowing that if he didn’t get to him and drag him away then those points would pierce him deeper than he could save him from. He’d run until his lungs burned, until his vision turned black, until everything hurt, but still he’d never reach him, he’d never save him. The arrows would hit home and sink deep and he’d jolt awake to the sound of his talímenios’ scream. 

As useless as he’d been in real life. 

He exhaled shakily, eyes open but still unable to see through the thick blackness. The curtains were drawn around their bed and even beyond the city was in the total darkness of a deep winter night. But seeing nothing was better than seeing that Plenimaran shore again, seeing the tips of the arrows catching the light on their wicked points.

Beside him, Alec curled in tighter and murmured wordlessly in his sleep, feeling Seregil’s panic across the bond. Immediately, Seregil sent soothing thoughts his way, reaching out gingerly through the dark and finding his lover’s cheek, stroking gently to soothe him back into his dreams. Sweeter, he hoped, than his own. 

Seregil was too pleased to see his talímenios resting to wake him, even though Alec would be annoyed if he knew Seregil hadn’t let him give comfort after his nightmare. But just having him there, listening to his soft breathing and feeling his warm cheek under his fingertips, that slowed his heart and chased the past back where it belonged. 

Regardless, Seregil thought as his hand slipped below the blankets to rest against the gentle roundness between Alec’s hips, he needed all the sleep he could get right now. Growing a whole other person was leaving him quite exhausted lately. 

Times like this, in the darkness, Seregil didn’t need to think about his fears and anxieties around becoming a father. He didn’t need to question his suitability for the role, he didn’t need to think of all the disappointment and guilt the very word dredged up from his past, he didn’t need to worry over how it might change things between him and Alec. He could just enjoy the excitement and joy that tight little knot low in his partner’s stomach brought him. 

It would be different in the morning, he knew, when enough of him was awake to notice the host of shadows pressing in closer as these months slipped by and their departure for Bôkthersa neared. But for now, he could just be happy and have that be enough. 

Seregil shifted, as carefully as he could so he didn’t jostle Alec, moving further down his lover’s body until his head slipped entirely under the blankets. Submerged in the warmth and soft smell of Alec’s body, he brought his forehead to rest against the growing swell and let his eyes close. 

The nightmares never seemed to find him when he slept like this. 

Sleep was rising up to claim his mind again when he heard Alec yawn up above him and whisper, voice heavy and indistinct with sleep, “Talí?”

Seregil smiled bemusedly, knowing where this was going, “Yes, love?”

“Do we have any olives left in the kitchen?” Of course.

“No, I don’t think we do actually. You finished the jar last night, remember?” He rather thought his love did remember.

There was a long pause, before Alec mumbled, “Oh…”

Chuckling, Seregil resurfaced, blinking the sleep from his eyes and stumbling to his feet, “I won’t be half an hour, talí…”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” he couldn’t see Alec’s face in the dark but he could imagine him biting his lip and getting those adorable creases on the bridge of his nose as he grimaced guilty, “I...I could wait until morning…”

“No, talí, you can’t,” Seregil explained patiently, digging a lightstone out of the bedside drawers, having to dig for it amongst the nearly empty vials of oil they kept there, “We realised this, remember?”

He heard Alec groan softly, he did remember the last time they’d tried to wait out his cravings. It hadn’t ended well. 

“But all the shops will be closed up, won’t they?” he still fretted on, “And it must be freezing outside…”

“Some may still be operating down at the docks with the strange hours sailors keep,” Seregil shrugged as he fished around for a shirt and trousers, his own had been flung quite far as they’d tumbled into bed the night before, “And if not, when have locked doors ever stopped us, talí?”

There was the whisper of fabric falling over itself as Alec sat up in the bed, “Leave some money on the counter for me, please? I’d feel awful, some family losing stock just because I’m going mad.” 

“You’re not going mad, dear heart,” Seregil paused in his roaming for clothes and came to kiss his lover’s forehead, “You’re expecting. This is all perfectly natural, didn’t Kari say?”

“Did Kari ever ask Micum to go out thieving in the middle of a winter night?” Alec mumbled, leaning into his kiss though clearly still feeling a little guilty. 

“Who knows? But he would have and gladly,” Seregil smiled, patting his cheek before he drew back, “Just as I’m glad to do it for you. Sleep, dear heart, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

The adoration in his talímenios’ eyes at that moment was enough to make him not care that it really would be bitterly cold outside, as he dressed as darkly and warmly as he could at short notice and returned for one last kiss before he left. 

“Try and sleep,” he said again, smiling fondly, “Promise?”

“I promise, talí.”

Greengrocers did not keep gold and diamonds behind their shutters, though what they did keep was arguably far more valuable. Seregil was surprised at the ease with which he slipped into the nearest one, found what the jar of olives their unborn child was demanding for reasons he couldn’t fathom, and slipped out again without causing the slightest disturbance. Nobles guarded trinkets that they never even wore with more jealousy. 

Still, he was glad of the easy job rather than mildly insulted as per usual. He didn’t want to keep Alec waiting. 

They’d been staying at the Stag and Otter a lot lately, putting about that the lordly versions of themselves were up at Watermead with the Cavishes. Alec had only just begun to show and they could have hidden it well with a considered choice of coat but Sergeil didn’t like the idea of running any kind of risk with this. Not only that, but he liked sharing this quieter time with Alec in the place where they were truly themselves. 

So it was a simple matter to climb up and through the window and back into their warm, comfortable little apartments. He was relieved to see Alec asleep and snoring softly, though he was slumped upright against the pillows like he’d at least tried to stay awake. Grinning, Seregil stripped back down to his sleeping linens and laid out beside him, cracking the jar open under his nose and laughing when that immediately woke him up. 

“Oh, you were sent by the gods themselves,” Alec groaned in relief, grabbing the jar like he was being offered a precious gemstone. 

“Are you talking to me or the olives, talí?” Seregil smirked. 

Alec leaned over and kissed his cold cheek, “Can’t it be both?”

Satisfied and proud of himself, Seregil sat back and let his eyes close while Alec contented himself with eating nearly half the jar in one sitting. He didn’t expect to sleep again but it was nice to feel the warmth creeping back in through his fingers and toes, enjoying this strange little moment in the middle of the night with his talímenios. 

“Um...Seregil?” Alec broke through the quiet, his voice unusually hesitant, “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, talí,” he found himself tensing a little without really knowing why yet. 

He realised a second before Alec spoke that he was feeling his partner’s wariness through their bond, his hesitation at what Seregil’s response would be. 

“We’ve not been at Wheel Street for a while, have we?”

“No…” Seregil answered evenly, “You know that place mostly takes care of itself, as does Lord Seregil’s accounts.”

“But...if we don’t go back soon, we won’t be back at all before we leave for Bokthersa?” Alec pointed out cautiously, “Before...well, before the baby’s made themselves pretty obvious.”

There it was, Seregil sighed internally. “I wasn’t really planning on going back, talí.”

“Because people would ask questions,” Alec wasn’t asking one himself, just stating a fact. He’d realised his partner’s mind in this. 

“You know the plan,” Seregil sat up so he could look Alec in the eye, trying to figure out where he was going with this, “We go to Bôkthersa, they’re born there while everyone thinks we’re at your estate in the country. We come back and tell everyone you fathered them on a girl of your household and you’ve chosen to acknowledge them after their mother died in childbirth.” 

It was simple, an easy lie that not many people would question for fear of poking too closely into an impolite area of a man’s business. The people who needed to know the truth were aware of it, the Cavishes who they’d been visiting regularly to give Alec some country air, Thero and Klia of course, Valerius who Seregil had been plaguing with anxious questions until he’d thrown him out. 

But Alec’s mouth twisted and doubt weighed heavily in his eyes, “But...that way they get to be my child…”

“Yes,” Seregil prodded gently. 

“But they don’t get to be yours. They don’t get to be  _ ours.” _

Ah. Seregil bit his lip, “Talí…”

“Why can’t we just tell the truth?” Alec finally blurted out, the thing he’d clearly been wanting to say, “I...I want to tell the truth.”

Seregil reached over and took his hand, squeezing tightly, “My love, I don’t want you to think it doesn’t matter to me, that I’m not going to love them with all my heart. They will be my child, I’m proud of every single part of me that’s gone into them, I swear to you. This...I just don’t know if people would understand. There’d be talk…”

“They talk about us already!” Alec insisted, eyes soft, “Why can’t they talk about us for a reason I’m actually proud of? As for the rest of it...well, I couldn’t give a shit if they understand or if they like it. It’s not their family, it’s mine. And I love it.”

Seregil found himself smiling, felt his eyes grow wet, “And would your famous modesty allow it, my love?”

That did bring a flush to Alec’s cheeks but he still met Seregil’s eye determinedly, “People up north would be appalled I hadn’t a child before now.”

Seregil barked out a laugh, wrapping an arm around Alec’s shoulder and brought him into a soft kiss, bitter taste of olives or no. He felt his talímenios smile against his lips as their hands found each other on his belly. 

Those worries were still there, he knew they would continue to chase him up until their child was in their arms and even past that. He would always doubt himself, he would worry he wasn’t the best parent he could be, that their child would deserve more than him, he’d always be scared to depend on other people no matter how much he loved them. 

But his talímenios, his Alec believed in him. And that was always going to be enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a comment on this fic if you like it, the support is always lovely especially from a small fandom!


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